Boundaries in Business Relationships

The concept of boundaries can be very simple and clear-cut or downright baffling. For instance, all competent surveyors can clearly draw the boundary that separates the property of two neighbors. Unfortunately, that kind of simplicity and clarity does not exist in the business and personal relationships between people. In business and personal relationships, a boundary is the limit that separates one person from another. It protects the rights and integrity of each person. A boundary can be as tangible as the skin that surrounds our body or as intangible as an attitude. The primary problem in defining boundaries is that in most instances they are intangible.

Understanding boundaries is crucial to creating an environment where best practices flourish and strong professional relationships are maintained. By increasing your awareness of your boundaries and those of your employees, you can improve your business relationships and avoid many sticky situations and potential law suits.

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries separate humans from their environment and from other humans. They are elusive yet personally discernable lines that distinguish you from everything and everyone around you. They define your personal space—the area you occupy which you appropriately feel is under your control.

Most likely, you have had the experience of someone at work standing too close to you or touching you at a party without your permission. What that person has done, knowingly or not, is invaded your space and crossed your physical boundary.

Boundaries are not only physical though. They also protect emotions and thoughts as well. Boundaries provide a sense of safety. They help you to sense how close or far away you want people, both physically and emotionally. Often you are unaware of your boundaries unless they are threatened or crossed.

Each person faces innumerable boundary decisions each day. Whom do you greet with a smile, with a handshake or with a hug? What information about yourself do you disclose to people you work with, and which people? To whom do you express you worries, or vent when you are irritated or annoyed? To make things even more confusing, the boundaries may fluctuate because they change with the context. Behavior that is deemed appropriate at one time may be highly offensive in another setting. For instance you do not touch a fellow employee in the same way in the office as you might at a company softball game because the setting and context is different. Even involving the same person, the context can influence boundaries becoming more fluid or rigid. For example, some couples like to show affection in private and are very uncomfortable with public displays of affection. Although some interpersonal boundaries are fairly stable, others require ongoing sensitivity to changes in time, place and emotional state.

Most people find it stressful to discuss boundary issues. Most of us have been conditioned not to set boundaries as a way to avoid the negative reactions of others.” So most managers and many, if not most, employees are ill-equipped to freely discuss boundaries when something makes them uncomfortable. Often issues of boundaries and concerns about boundary crossings escalate because the reparative conversations are challenging to raise and so people avoid them.

Why are these conversations so difficult? Negative reactions can occur as part of any professional or personal boundary discussions. People like to think well of themselves. So if you suggest that their behavior is causing you discomfort because they are encroaching on your space, they are apt to feel hurt or upset or both. Worried about damanging the relationship, you may decide it is not even worth the effort to raise the issue.

Boundary issues between a manager, employees and clients are especially sensitive. Status differentials can intensify a person’s sense of vulnerability in maintaining boundaries and make it far harder for them to discuss any discomfort. Business relationships often require managers and personel to make ongoing boundary adjustments. For example, in a coaching conversation an individual may discuss with their manager arenas of their job performance that they do not excel at. They do so openly and easily in the context of discussing their professional development and training needs. That same week they attend an office party celebrating a corporate success that greatly increases market share. They have a casual and social conversation in which they move easily between business and personal topics. Only weeks later that very same manager is responsible for evaluating this employee on an aggressive curve against their departmental colleagues and assigning compensation accordingly. Still several weeks later this same manager is assigning various leadership roles on a new client project and having to meet with the employee to delegate their specific responsibilities. In these follow-up conversations the boundaries of disclosure are much less permeable and each person will likely feel greater inhibition in the course of the conversation.

Types of Boundaries

In the business environment there there are four major types of interpersonal boundaries: physical; emotional; intellectual; and time boundaries.

The Physical Boundary

In day-to-day human and professional interactions people regularly monitor their physical boundary—usually without being aware of it. For example, when standing in line at the bank or riding in an elevator at the office, with little effort they all find the appropriate “comfortable” distance to keep—their physical boundary. In a business meeting people generally adjust their chairs until they are a comfortable distance apart. In the American culture the majority of people prefer a space in front and back that extends about an arm’s length from the body (approximately two to three feet). The space deemed comfortable at the sides of the body seems narrower for most people, about a foot or so.

In nearly all human interactions the physical space contained within this invisible line may expand or shrink depending on the individual’s level of comfort and safety. People generally allow an associate they like and know well to move closer to them than someone they do not know. However, if they are upset about something or irritated with another person, the limit of the boundary changes dramatically. For instance, if you feel fear or annoyance toward someone, you may create more distance from that particular person. If you feel safe with someone and you laughing together about something, your boundary may change to allow that person to be very close. When there is a perceived threat to the boundary, monitoring becomes more heightened. For instance, being on an elevator with only one other person who has an unkempt appearance and a menacing look may cause uneasiness. These changes in the physical boundary may occur instantaneously. Most often, people purposely attempt to create some small measure of personal space in an effort to minimize the discomfort of having their physical boundary crossed.

While a physical boundary may be more tangible than other types, it must always be carefully considered.

The Emotional Boundary

In many ways people are defined by their emotions and how they feel in the moment. The people we love, the things that make us worried, the disappointments and losses in our lives, and the situations that bring us joy and satisfaction, are major components of our personal identity. To reveal our feelings means that we have decided to trust another with an important part of ourselves, and thereby create a kind of intimacy with that person. The emotional boundary may change with each situation; and it influences whether a person expresses his feelings and how he chooses to do that with others.

Consequently, it is important to be conscious of your own and your business associates emotional boundaries. If you are not, and boundaries are crossed, it can be as uncomfortable as a violation of our physical boundaries. For example, everyone knows the anger, alientation and shame that occurs when someone reveals a colleague’s personal confidence to others at work. The actual content of what is revealed is often less significant than the sense of violation that occurs from the betrayal of trust.

The Intellectual Boundary

Like emotions, a person’s thoughts, beliefs, ideas and opinions form a significant part of his or her identity. They help to create a world view and define an individual as different and separate from others. If our belief system is accepted, encouraged and validated in our professional environment, or even respectfully challenged, we feel respected and validated. If our ideas and beliefs are ridiculed, criticized, ignored, dismissed or punished, our sense of self may be shaken, and we may become hesitant to speak openly about our ideas. For instance, it might be challenging to contribute your creative ideas or solutions in meetings if, after you presented your teams analysis to the supervior/client/? he responded with, “You don’t really believe that could possibly work, do you?!” Teams that foster pluarality of viewpoints and creative strategizing are able to maximize synergy between ideas, collaborative solutions and innovation.

The Time Boundary

Time boundaries in the work environment create structure, consistent work flow and a professional atmosphere. They let you know when you are working and when you are not. This boundary has been particularly blurred in our present competitive business environment. How you deal with time delineates the boundaries of your relationship. In personal relationships the time spent in social interaction is usually very flexible; clear limits are not often stressed. A distinguishing feature of professional relationships is the limit placed on the time spent in meetings, with clients or on particular projects. Clients often test the seriousness of your boundaries by arriving late for meetings, failing to meet deadlines and, worst of all, allowing the scope of projects to slowly creep and erode your profitability. Your responses to these situations either builds or weakens the client’s trust.